Still Behind the Wheel at 55+: Look Out, World!

Professor Stone Oakley

Navigating the Road After 55 with Sarcastic Wit

By Professor Stone Oakley

 

Ah, the joys of driving at 55+. You’ve hit that golden age where you’re seasoned enough to know the rules of the road—yet somehow it seems like everyone else has forgotten them. Or maybe it’s that magical combo of reading glasses and dashboard controls that now feels like a Rubik’s Cube on steroids.

First off, congratulations. You’ve made it to a point in life where you think you’re still crushing the open road, but your kids are secretly plotting how to introduce “alternate transportation methods.” Yeah, like that’ll happen. Public transport? No thanks, you like your heated seat, your classic rock station, and your ability to mutter about other drivers with impunity.

Let’s Talk Speed Limits (A.k.a. Suggestions for Other People)

Speed limits. You used to live by them. You were the king of a steady 55 mph. But now? You’re pretty sure that number is more of a recommendation, like flossing or eating kale. You’re taking your time. Why rush? At 55+, you’ve earned the right to roll through the neighborhood like you’re on a slow, scenic parade route—whether you’re admiring the autumn leaves or just can’t see the stop sign, it’s your pace, your rules.

Traffic Circles: Who Invented These Things?

Ah, traffic circles. The bane of anyone over the age of 55. What genius decided to take the straightforward concept of "stop and go" and turn it into a game of automotive roulette? At this point, it’s less about yielding and more about taking a deep breath, diving in, and hoping for the best. After all, you survived disco, the housing bubble, and AOL dial-up. A roundabout? Piece of cake. (Or, at least, you’ll tell yourself that.)

Parallel Parking – Nope.

Parallel parking is now an extreme sport. Remember when you could zip into a tight spot with one hand on the wheel and a coffee in the other? Yeah, those days are gone. Now, it’s a 10-step process that involves reversing, inching forward, then reversing again, only to end up 3 feet from the curb while the guy behind you shakes his head. You could blame it on the newer cars, but let’s be honest, you’re just over it. You’ve parked. That’s enough.

GPS – Your Best Frenemy

Remember when you could navigate the entire city without anything more than a glance at a map? Now you can’t even get to the grocery store without the dulcet tones of a disembodied voice reminding you to “turn left in 100 feet.” Of course, half the time, you miss the turn anyway because the GPS didn’t account for the construction that’s been there for the last six months. But sure, lady, keep talking like you know it all.

Blinkers Are For Quitters

If you’ve hit 55+, blinkers are optional. Other drivers should already know where you’re going, right? If you’re going 5 mph under the limit in the right lane, it’s pretty obvious—you’re taking that next right turn. They can wait. You’ve spent decades following the rules; now, it’s their turn to play “Guess My Next Move.”

And the Best Part? Car Conversations

One of the top perks of driving at this age is the non-stop, unfiltered commentary you get to provide. Every driver is either "going too fast," "going too slow," or "an absolute moron." And why not? You’ve got wisdom. You’ve got experience. And you’ve got no patience left for anyone who doesn't.

So, keep on driving, champ. Whether it’s dodging traffic circles or ignoring the GPS, you’re still out there, making the roads interesting for the rest of us. Stay in your lane—literally—and keep that blinker off. You’ve earned it.